Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
