At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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