the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
