Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
