at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
