I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
