My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
