My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
