twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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