direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
