Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
