Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
