I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
