i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
