Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
