He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
