god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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