Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
