I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
