Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
