just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
