SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
