I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
