I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
