I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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