my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
