Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
