His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
