38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
