Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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