I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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