Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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