I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
