quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
