Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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