atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize