Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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