I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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