he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
