Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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