Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
