Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
