Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
