OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
