Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
