well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
