Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
