Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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