I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just googled if crying burns calories
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
