So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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