I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
