I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
