now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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