I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
