Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
