I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
two words...techno handjob
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My penis needs a shock collar
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize