textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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