Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
