new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
