Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
