Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize