he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
