Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize